Define Success on Your Own Terms

We are not made to fulfill the dreams of others, but our own.

As humans, we are motivated by our desire for happiness. The dream of a better future drives us to overcome massive obstacles and endure incredible hardships. But what if, after reaching our goal, we do not feel happy? What if our own success criteria leave us feeling trapped?

The world was shocked when Kurt Cobain decided to end his life on the 5th of April 1994. He was the leader of Nirvana, a global phenomenon at that time. To this day, decades after his untimely death, millions treasure his songs.

From the outside, Kurt Cobain was considered a big success. But did he see himself as successful? In his final letter, Kurt eluded being grateful for all the appreciation he received from his fans. Still, Kurt didn’t relish in the applause; for years, he no longer enjoyed creating and listening to music.

This example, for sure, is a drastic one. Alcohol, substance abuse, and depression played a severe role in the turn of events. But in the end, his life, even though from the outside it seemed enviable, was incapable of fulfilling him or making him happy. And he is not alone. Other high-achievers feel the same. Why is that?

People achieve success in different ways. Some measure success by wealth or power. Others define success based on their ability to make a difference. And still, others attain it by simply finding happiness and fulfillment in their day-to-day lives. So, ultimately, defining success is up to each individual.

Why it is crucial to define success on your own terms

It’s easy to get caught up in what other people consider success. You know, the big house, the nice car, the six-figure salary. But if you’re not careful, you can quickly find yourself on a path that leads to burnout and disillusionment.

That’s why defining success on your own terms is so important. Ask yourself what genuinely makes you happy and fulfilled. Maybe it’s spending more time with your family or pursuing a creative passion. Once you know what truly matters, you can start making choices that align with your values.

Because if you don’t, someone else will do it for you. And more often than not, that definition won’t align with what you truly want in life. Unfortunately, society, media, and even our loved ones can inadvertently pressure us into pursuing success criteria that are not authentic to our identity.

Kurt Cobain’s story is a stark reminder that we should define success on our own terms. If we don’t, we may end up chasing a dream that doesn’t make us happy — even if it looks great from the outside.

How do you define your success?

Take time to reflect on what you want in life

It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and forget to take time for ourselves. We become so focused on meeting deadlines and fulfilling obligations that we neglect our own needs. But if we don’t stop and reflect on what we want out of life, we may end up living someone else’s dream instead of our own.

So take a deep breath, relax, and give yourself some time to think about what you really want. What makes you happy? What are your passions? What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? Once you have a better understanding of what you want, you can start making small changes in your life that will help you achieve your goals.

Here are some ways to define success factors that have worked for numerous people:

1. Make a vision board. A vision board is a great way to visualize your goals and provide inspiration. Cut out pictures or images from magazines representing what you want in life, and then paste them onto a poster or corkboard. Place the board somewhere you’ll see it daily, such as on your bedroom wall or beside your computer monitor, to remind you of what you’re working towards.
2. Set aside time each day for reflection. Taking just 10 or 15 minutes each day to reflect on your goals can make a big difference in the long run. During this time, write down what you want in life, why that is important to you, and how you can take the next step to realize your dreams.
3. Join a support group. A great way to get motivated and stay accountable is to join a support group of like-minded individuals striving to achieve their goals. This could be a group of friends who meet regularly to discuss their progress or an online forum where people share tips and advice. You can also enlist mentors or coaches help to clarify what you want and how to achieve success.

Be honest with yourself about what makes you happy

Getting caught up in what we think should make us happy is easy. We see pictures of people on social media who seem to have it all together and believe that if we just had a few more things, we’d be happy too. But the truth is, happiness comes from within. It’s not about the material things you have or the accomplishments you’ve made. It’s about being honest about what makes you happy and finding ways to bring more of those things into your life.

For me, happiness comes from spending time with my family and friends, making people laugh, and helping others. Also, setting ambitious goals for myself and pursuing success really satisfies me. When I make an effort to do more of those things, I can feel my happiness level rise. So ask yourself, what really makes you happy? And then go out and do more of it!

Balance your biochemistry for long-term happiness

Chemicals influence everything in our lives, whether we like it or not. They control how we feel and think and even play a role in our memories. So it’s no surprise that they also play a role in happiness. The four main chemicals influencing our perception of joy are Cortisol, Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Serotonin.

• Cortisol is sometimes called the “stress hormone” because it’s released in response to stress and can cause feelings of anxiety and irritability. If you are in a situation that stresses you out constantly, your health will take a toll. You lower it by breathing slowly, exercising, being in nature, and getting enough sleep.
• Dopamine is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it’s released when we experience a pleasure. Unfortunately, most of us develop an unhealthy relationship with it because it is so easy to get. Fast food, alcohol, social media, binge-watching, and shopping give us a feel-good short-term kick. But like addicts, we need constantly more to feel it again. Dopamine gets us to start a difficult task, but it is not a long-term motivator.
• Oxytocin has been shown to increase trust, reduce fear, and promote a sense of well-being. This powerful hormone also boosts your mood, strengthens your immune system, reduces stress, and even helps you heal from wounds faster. The best way to increase oxytocin is through building deep bonds with loved ones. When we feel connected to others, we not only feel good at the moment, but we also experience long-term benefits to our health and well-being.
• Serotonin is the “happy hormone” linked to contentment and calmness. It is often called the “accomplishment” chemical because it helps us feel good when we’ve done something worthwhile. In other words, Serotonin is essential for our happiness. But it’s important to strike a balance with Serotonin. Too much focus on accomplishments can lead to neglect of meaningful relationships in our lives, reducing oxytocin. Striking a balance between these two chemicals is essential for achieving genuine happiness.

All four of these chemicals play a significant role in our happiness, so it’s essential to be aware of their presence or absence in our lives. You want to reduce Cortisol for you and your loved ones. Use Dopamine to get you started on challenging projects and tasks to feel Serotonin with every accomplishment while serving others and bonding with them to increase your Oxytocin intake.

How to define personal success in life holistically

It is hard to see beyond your current circumstance when you are in a tough spot. All you can think about is how to get out of the situation. But there is more to life than what currently ails you. According to Dr. Peggy Swarbrick, wellness has eight interconnected dimensions: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, environmental, vocational, financial, and social. Therefore, taking care of all aspects of your life, not just the ones causing you pain, is essential.

When you focus on all areas of your life, you can create a balanced and fulfilling life. So next time you find yourself in a tough spot, remember that there is more to life than what is happening right now. There are many other dimensions to wellness that you can focus on. Create a well-rounded and fulfilling life by caring for all aspects of your being.

Take your time to reflect on each of the eight dimensions of wellness. Then, ask yourself what your life would look like if you achieved success in each of these dimensions. What would a perfect day look like? How would you feel?

Start with one dimension of wellness at a time and work your way up. When you have a clear idea of what you want your life to look like, it will be much easier to make small changes that will lead you to your overall goal.

The eight dimensions of wellness are:

Physical: This dimension of wellness relates to our physical health and well-being. When we are physically well, we have the energy and strength to do the things we enjoy and care about. To maintain physical wellness, eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and avoiding harmful substances are essential.

Intellectual: When it comes to intellectual wellness, it’s all about keeping our minds sharp. We want to be able to think clearly, learn new things, solve problems effectively, and make decisions wisely. And the best way to do that is to engage in activities stimulate our minds. Things like reading, learning new things, and spending time with people we enjoy. Those are all great ways to keep our intellects healthy and happy.

Emotional: The ability to maintain emotional wellness is important because it allows us to function at our best. When we feel good about ourselves, we can better handle the curve balls life throws our way. One of the critical components of emotional wellness is having positive relationships. Surrounding yourself with people who make you laugh and feel good is essential. Another vital part of emotional wellness is taking time for activities that bring us joy.

Spiritual: Being spiritually well means feeling a sense of purpose and meaning in life. When aligned with our pursuit, we feel deep satisfaction. To maintain spiritual wellness, connecting with our values and beliefs is essential. Additionally, it is important to express our spirituality in meaningful ways. Finally, it is also beneficial to be part of a community.

Environmental: Maintaining environmental wellness means taking steps to safeguard our environment (microcosm) and ensuring a sustainable future for generations to come (macrocosm). This includes feeling physically safe, living in safe and clean surroundings, and having access to clean air, food, and water. Taking care of the environment can help create a healthier and more sustainable world for everyone.

Vocational: This dimension of wellness relates to our work life and career development. When we are vocationally well, we enjoy our work and feel fulfilled while doing it. Finding a work-life balance is an integral part of maintaining vocational wellness. Our careers should align with our interests and values, and we must set professional development goals.

Financial: In this dimension, we consider how well we are doing financially. When we are financially well, we manage our money wisely and make choices that improve our financial security. Maintaining financial wellness involves creating a budget, saving for the future, and avoiding unnecessary debt.

Social: Relationships and interactions with others are part of this dimension of wellness. When we are socially well, we feel connected and supported by the people in our lives. Therefore, building positive relationships, communicating effectively, and showing kindness and respect to others are essential to maintaining social wellness.

Use inverse thinking to define your own success

Some people feel overwhelmed when they try to answer the question of what success looks like for them. There are so many options available, and identifying the one that is right for you can seem daunting. If you feel that way, I have some handy tips that may help to point you in the right direction. Have you ever heard of “inverse thinking”?

Inverse thinking is a problem-solving approach where you don’t try to solve the problem immediately. Instead, you try to solve for the opposite of what you want to achieve. Then you inverse your solutions. The advantage of this approach, according to Alex Hormosi, is that our brains are better at spotting problems than finding solutions.

This may sound like a complicated way to go about things, but it can be straightforward. For example, let’s say you’re trying to lose weight. The inverse thinking approach would be to contemplate how to gain weight instead. For example, you might devise solutions like eating more calories or exercising less. Then you would inverse those solutions and do the opposite: eat fewer calories and exercise more. You can often find more creative and effective solutions by thinking about the problem in this manner.

Now let’s use inverse thinking to define your success. Instead of thinking about what you need to do to be successful, think about what it would take to make your life miserable. For example, you could take a general approach to your life or brainstorm on each of the eight dimensions of wellness above. What would it take to make you feel miserable in all of the different areas? Then inverse your answers and see if that describes a compelling life vision for you.

For example, if you want to define success in the social dimension, try to describe everything you would fear to become true in that realm. Next, turn your answers into the opposite and see if that vision inspires you.

Find the meaning of success in life by deciding your purpose

In the past, I have wasted several years trying to find my purpose or destiny. Behind that thinking lies a deterministic view of God or the Universe. The assumption is that there is a perfect plan that we need to figure out and then fulfill. If we somehow miss it, we are in for a miserable or less fulfilling life. I believe that this notion is utterly incorrect.

We do not mysteriously uncover our purpose. We decide it. The highest ideal I can imagine is a life spent serving the greater good. For some, this may be a universal purpose, like ending gender inequality or making our lifestyle sustainable. For others, it may be the dedication to a single loved one or their family.

In any case, the recognition that we create our own destiny is empowering. It means that we do not need to embark on a quest to find ourselves; instead, we are already the masters of our own fate. In the words of the great 13th-century mystic Rumi:

“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me and without pain. From this, I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.”

Rather than asking yourself: “What am I supposed to do and be in this world?” ask yourself: “What do I want to give to this world?”. And then decide to do just that. For some, it may be finding a cure to cancer, for others, it may be creating beautiful art, for still others giving encouragement and love. Whatever it is that you want to share, that is also what you are supposed to share.

How success planning enables you to achieve your dreams

Once you know what you want in life, the question surfaces, “How do I go about realizing it?” Many people have big ideas and still settle for a mediocre life. They may be overwhelmed by the size of the task at hand, or they simply do not believe that they could be the one who achieves success. What can you do to move from dreaming to doing?

You need a success plan, a step-by-step strategy that enables you to put your dreams into concrete actions. I have created such a roadmap for all pursuing success. It will guide you from making your vision tangible to breaking it down into daily actionable steps. And it is available completely free of charge to you right now. So if you are ready to take the next steps, follow this link to Success Planning: The Ultimate Guide to Creating a Roadmap for Achieving Your Dream Life.